There are many things the kabbalists teach about this month of Virgo, or Elul, but I’d like to focus on one particular aspect that, as we will see, encompasses everything. The kabbalists teach that if you are able to focus on this one word and make it the entire purpose of your being, the entire purpose of your life, then you will be able to draw all the blessings you ever want and change in all the ways you ever want. That word is kindness. It is a very simple word, but I hope we all come to realize that there is a great distance between where we think we are and where we need to be as it relates to kindness.
When we talk about kindness, I think we often confuse it with the word “giving;” all of us give, all of us share, but sharing and kindness are two completely different things. We can still give somebody something and have a complete lack of desire to actually share with them while we’re doing it. Therefore, it is dangerous to measure our spiritual progress by whether we are sharing more or giving more, because those things can occur without an internal change.
So, then, what does it actually mean to be a kind person? It means that by nature when the choice comes between clenching your fist or opening your hand, your natural desire is to open. The Zohar says there is nothing worse than somebody who does not desire to keep opening his hand to give, but instead has a clenched hand; it says there are no greater aspects of a person’s personality and life that will diminish and hinder any Light and lasting blessings from coming into his life than if he is clinched in his desire to give.
Let me explain what they mean by doing an action with a clenched fist versus one with an open hand. One of the great kabbalists, Rav Meir, who is known as the master of miracles, says when we come into this world, our fists are clenched. When babies are born, their hands are clenched, because they are subconsciously injected with the consciousness that the entire world is theirs - I will hold on to everything I receive, I will grab everything that I can and hold on to it. That is what happens when we are born, and unfortunately, is what continues to happen as we live year after year. So doing any action with this consciousness of a clenched fist, even if it’s one of sharing, is not doing it, as the kabbalists say, with kindness.
Even those of us who are spiritual and have dedicated our lives to this spiritual work know that it is not easy to constantly be open-handed. However, here the kabbalists say that every aspect of pain that an individual ever experiences comes from one source: the clenched fist. Every time you have a choice to open your hand or your heart, or to clench it, which is a lack of kindness as the kabbalists call it, you are making the choice as to whether you want to experience some aspect of pain in your life or not.
The question to ask yourself, then is, are you practicing this, and as such, becoming a truly kind, giving person in that way? If you do not practice it with this consciousness, you are never going to get there; yes, you will continue to be a spiritual person who gives, but one who ultimately is not kind. When Aaron left this world, Moses said, “Open your hands,” and that was indication that his entire life was for one purpose - to go from birth with his clenched hand and open his hand in every opportunity he had. This, the kabbalists teach, is really the purpose of our lives; not to share, not to give, but to become kind… yet, not kind as in the way most of us think about it.
It is important to separate actions of sharing with a clenched fist from truly being a kind person who is sharing with an open hand. And only we know if we are kind or if we are just simply giving. We need to remind ourselves that when we clench our heart or hand when we give, we add an aspect of pain to our life. Therefore, there is almost nothing more important than to transform into being a person who is constantly kind.
Ultimately, we need to come to the point where out of all the moments in our day when we had the choice between clenching and opening, we opened - our heart, our hand, our mind. Why? It is very simple. Because we know that every single time we choose to clench, we are adding another aspect of pain to our life. With this understanding and consciousness, I hope we are awakened at the beginning of this month of Virgo to, throughout the entire month, focus on this transformation of becoming a truly kind person who is constantly open-handed.
