We are entering the month of Sivan, or Gemini. In Sefer Yetzirah, the Book of Formation, Abraham the Patriarch speaks about how the power of movement was created in this month… which should come as no surprise to those of us who know Geminis; it seems that they can't sit still for long - they are in constant movement, always going on to the next thing. But while there's movement on the physical level, on a deeper and more important level, there is spiritual movement. And a gift of this month is to awaken our own spiritual movement.
Many people are excited at the beginning of doing their spiritual work, but then, unfortunately, there comes a time when stagnation begins to set in. As Rav Ashlag said, "a thousand people begin the journey but only one completes it." And every single one of us, to one degree or another, partakes of this stagnation.
Rav Ashlag uses a very simple but powerful example to drive home the importance of constant growth and movement. He explains that our spiritual work can be compared to stairs that lead up to a second floor. We start off on the first floor, and on the second floor is the endless bounty of blessings that are coming to us. So, let’s say there are ten steps up to the second floor, and a person spends a lot of time and energy going from the first step to the eighth step. He spends years growing from one step, or level, to the next, but then he stops at the ninth level and does not push himself to go all the way to the tenth. What has he achieved? Unfortunately, nothing. It is the same with our spiritual growth; we need to understand that our spiritual work is not just something that we do that makes us feel better or makes us a better person, but rather that there is an end goal. That end goal is lasting, complete fulfillment. And if we have not yet achieved that level, we cannot stop. We have to keep climbing to the next level.
Therefore, every one of us in this month needs to take stock of our spiritual growth. But it is not about looking at the actions that we do or the connections that we may participate in. It’s about asking ourselves the question - how much have I changed my nature? The actions, the study, and the connections are for the purpose of our internal transformation; let’s not be fooled by them, but rather ask ourselves how different we are internally and deeply at our core. Are you less selfish, less focused on yourself than you were a year ago, or five years ago? That is the only way of truly knowing whether you are growing or whether you are stagnant. If you were to continue on in your life as it is right now, do you see yourself completely transforming and achieving lasting true fulfillment and peace? If not, then start doing something different.
How do we do start to do something different? In order to truly merit growth and lasting, endless fulfillment, we have to come to understand that we are blind to who we truly are. Many of us think that we know how selfish we are and how giving we are, we think we have clarity about what type of person we are. But the reality is – and it is a true kabbalistic principle – that we are completely blind to who we actually are. We cannot ever properly ascertain our spiritual level. We need outside assistance, others to tell us and show us. We are blind to how selfish we are, and it is not until we come to that realization that we have a true insight into where we truly are spiritually.
It is not a coincidence that in the creation of the first couple in our world, Adam and Eve, it says that the Creator “will give him (Adam) a mate to oppose him.” The Creator knew that if man was created to be alone, he could think that he was the most spiritual, evolved and growing person in the world. Without Eve, or a mate, pointing out all of his blind spots, without that assistance, a person can never truly grow. Therefore, it is impossible to be truly in spiritual motion without the assistance of others, who can show us these faults that we are blind to.
So, how can we know if we are truly growing? How can we know if we are stagnant in our spiritual work? Ask yourself when the last time you had an “Oh my God!” moment was. When was the last time you came to the realization, “Wow, I have been so blind, I can’t believe how much I deluded myself, I can’t believe how huge my ego is"? If you haven't had a moment like that in the recent weeks or months, it is not because it’s not true; it is because you are stagnant and completely unaware of it.
In the month of Sivan, we have the gift to be awoken out of our stagnation. But we have to have clarity about the fact that there is an end goal, that simply making the connections is not enough, that there is a tenth level we are meant to get to. We need to also become awakened to our blindness; once we do that, we open ourselves up to the assistance that we desperately need from others. And if we are open to it, it will come. And then, because we are constantly growing, we can always be moving towards achieving true and lasting fulfillment.
